Wondering how to stop being a people pleaser? Are you someone who shifts their plans to accommodate those of others? Or are you someone who goes out of their way to make others feel comfortable without considering what is best for you?
Maybe you are even someone who would rather disappoint yourself than someone else. If this sounds like you, I am sure you have been called a people pleaser at some point in your life!
What is People Pleasing?
People pleasing involves prioritizing others’ needs and desires over your own, often as a way to avoid conflict, and confrontation and to gain acceptance from others. While people pleasing may come naturally to you because you are empathetic and have a desire to make others happy, it can unfortunately also lead to significant emotional and psychological distress. Constantly avoiding conflict and needing to gain the acceptance of others can lead to a low sense of self-worth and decrease our authenticity as humans.
Signs you may be a People Pleaser:
Now that you know what people-pleasing is, here are some examples of tendencies commonly found in the people-pleasing community.
- You find yourself trapped in a pattern of saying “yes” when you mean “no.”
- You overextend yourself by catering to others but yourself, resulting in poor boundaries.
- You shift your plans for others.
- You ignore or suppress your own feelings or opinions to avoid conflict.
- You apologize often, even when it is not your fault.
- You feel guilty or anxious when you do not meet others’ expectations.
If any of those signs hit home for you, don’t worry, you are not alone! There are so many of us who unintentionally put the needs of others at the expense of our own well-being. Keep reading to learn how to manage this!
The Consequences of People Pleasing
Continuous people pleasing can have negative effects on our mental health and relationships. If you are constantly putting others’ needs above your own, you may develop resentment and frustration toward others. Or, taking on too many responsibilities can lead to increased stress, exhaustion, and even burnout. Not only that but ignoring your own wants and needs can lead to unhappiness and a lack of fulfillment in your life.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
So… now what? Does this mean we are going to be people pleasers for the rest of our lives? No way! The good news is that there are ways to break this behavioural cycle.
- Set boundaries: Communicate your needs and expectations to others. It’s okay to say “no” when you are uncomfortable or overwhelmed.
- Engage self-care: Make your own needs and well-being a priority! Block out time in your day to engage in activities that bring you fulfilment if you must.
- Practice self-compassion: Understand that making mistakes and experiencing rejection are normal parts of life, and they don’t define who you are as a person.
- Access mental health support: A therapist can help you gain awareness and build an understanding of situations and triggers that lead to people pleasing behaviour and provide guidance on how to navigate it.
You now understand how to stop being a people pleaser. Step outside of your comfort zone, say “no,” and celebrate that as a win! Being a people pleaser does not define your identity!
Seeking Support Through Therapy
Now that you know how to stop being a people pleaser, it’s time to apply these tips. However, it can be hard to break the cycle.
Therapy offers a supportive and non-judgmental space to explore and address people pleasing. Our therapists at Rebound Total Health work collaboratively with clients to help you understand the root causes of your people pleasing tendencies and how it can impact your mental health and wellbeing. Here are some ways therapy can support you:
- Identify triggers and patterns: Therapists can help you identify situations, emotions, or beliefs that lead to people pleasing behaviours.
- Building self-awareness: Therapy can help you develop a deeper understanding of your own needs, values, and boundaries to effectively build healthier relationships and self-care practices.
- Learning assertiveness: Therapy can equip you with the skills to communicate your needs assertively and respectfully, without compromising your well-being or values.
Contact Rebound Total Health today and embark on a journey towards greater authenticity, emotional resilience, and confidence. Breaking the cycle of people pleasing involves learning to value your own needs in relationships with others. If you are ready to set healthy boundaries, improve your self-esteem, and alleviate other mental health symptoms, reach out today to get started!
Connect with a therapist today. At Rebound Total Health, we offer therapy in Hamilton. Together, you can navigate the journey of overcoming your people pleasing.
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Additional Resources:
The Mental Health Cost of Being a “People Pleaser”
How Attachment Theory Can Explain People Pleasing Behaviours
Book Recommendations:
The Disease to Please: Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome by Harriet B. Braiker
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend