What are they?
Love languages are 5 ways of how individuals tend to receive and express love developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D (1992):
The 5 categories are:
1) Acts of Service – Are tasks that you or your partner perform as a way of “making life easier”. Individuals who provide acts of service value doing things or having others do nice things to make/feel loved and appreciated.
Examples of Acts of Service:
- Making coffee
- Cleaning the dishes
- Doing the laundry
- Cooking dinner
- Grocery shopping
2) Gift Giving – Providing visible gifts to loved ones. Are usually resonated as “symbols of love” which are full of meaning. Giving gifts does not have to be one of high monetary value, but instead symbolize sentimental value and thoughtfulness.
3) Physical Touch – Non-verbal sign of affection. Physical intimacy is known to help convey and facilitate strong emotional connection between one another.
Examples of Physical Touch:
- Kissing
- Holding Hands
- Hugging
- Cuddling
- Sexual Activity
4) Quality Time – Actively spending time with your partner with no distractions doing something that each of you will enjoy without feeling like a burden or bothersome.
Ways to ensure active Quality Time:
- Active listening
- Eye Contact
- No distractions (ie. no electronic devices)
5) Words of Affirmation – These are words that help express affection through words and convey praise, appreciation, encouragement, and support.
Example of Words of Affirmation:
- “I love you”
- “I appreciate you”
- “Thank you for today”
- “You look beautiful/handsome”
Why are they important for effective communication and bonding?
Love languages are a great way to begin effective communication with your partner. It helps both partners understand how each bests communicates their affection and love for one another and helps you express love in the way your partner best receives love, not you. So, it allows for direct communication about what each partner’s needs in the relationship are which can help prevent misunderstandings and miscommunications.
It is an easy way to avoid guessing what your partner wants and expects from you. Therefore, there is less time working through miscommunications and more time available for bonding.
Love languages properly expressed were shown to elevate relationship and sexual satisfaction (Mostova et al., 2022).
Seeking Couples Therapy to Help Guide Your Use of Love Languages
Sometimes it can be difficult to begin to implement without the safe space to do so or even knowing where to start, especially if you are already currently feeling stuck in your relationship with communication.
And although identifying love languages can benefit a relationship, it takes time to get the hang of effectively using them everyday.
Why is that?
Well because although love languages are simple concepts to understand, humans are not nearly as simple, they are complex individuals with their own unique identities, histories, needs, and personalities. So, it calls for open and honest communication which can sometimes be difficult to do without feeling criticized or getting defensive.
In Schofield and colleagues’ (2022) study, the 10 most common reasons for attending couples counselling was:
- Communication issues
- Wanting to improve their relationship
- Resolving conflict
- Discussions of the future
- Discussions of separation
- Discussions of affair
- Parenting/ Family issues
- Work/ Life Balance
- Family Background
- Intimacy/ Sexuality Issues
With the help of a couple’s therapist to navigate and identify a couple’s love language, couples can address the above concerns which appear to resemble many aspects conveyed thorough love languages. Undergoing relational maintenance via couple’s therapy will help contribute to increasing areas of relationship quality such as:
- Commitment
- Satisfaction
- Stability
- Loving Others
Key Reasons For Couple’s Therapy
Benefits of Couple’s Therapy include:
- Provides a safe environment to talk out the miscommunications
- Empathy from an objective third party
- Develop better communication skills
- Learn conflict resolution
- Understanding your relationship dynamic
- Gain self-awareness
- Gain or Restore trust
Even though love languages can help significantly benefit the way you communicate and understand your partner in a relationship, it is the just the beginning on understanding how to best meet the emotional and physical needs of one’s partner.
For further guidance on how to make the most of love languages and couples therapy in your relationship please see the sources below.
Related Resources:
Relationship Rituals And How They Improve Your Partnership
Additional Resources
Mostova, O., Stolarski, M., & Matthews, G. (2022). I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples. PloS one, 17(6), e0269429. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0269429
Schofield, M. J., Mumford, N., Jurkovic, D., Jurkovic, I., & Bickerdike, A. (2012). Short and long-term effectiveness of couple counselling: a study protocol. BMC public health, 12, 735. https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-2458-12-735
https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/applying-the-5-love-languages-to-healthy-relationships/