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How To Be The Real You: All About Neurodivergent Masking

Does it ever feel like you’re struggling to keep up appearances? That you’ve spent so much time showing people what you want them to see, that no one really knows the real you? Neurodivergent masking is real. 

While I think it is safe to say that everyone can relate to the desire to be perceived by others as their best self, this can be particularly true of neurodivergent individuals. Neurodivergent individuals, including those with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and many others, inherently think, respond, and behave differently than neurotypical individuals do.

This may be a result of many different factors, from a dopamine imbalance to sensory sensitivities to impairments in executive functioning, all of which contribute to unique reactions to the world around them. 

Masking With Neurodivergence: Why It Happens

In a world built around neurotypical norms, neurodivergent folk receive messages from a very young age that they are different, perhaps less than others, which causes them to internalize these traits they deem defective. 

For example, a child who colours outside the lines, or paints a tree blue, is told this is wrong and learns to correct this for the next time. Alternately, a teenage girl sees her group of friends mock another for wearing colourful eye shadow, and although she likes the look- she silently vows not to stray from the group norms lest she get the same ridicule. 

This leads folks to mask their neurodivergent tendencies in an attempt to present as ‘normal’ to fit in. Neurodivergent masking is a uniquely specific term reserved for those behaviours of neurodivergent individuals to conceal natural tendencies, personalities, and one’s authentic self in order to present a certain way.

While this may provide a temporary sense of inclusion, it can have harmful effects on one sense of self, mental wellbeing, and connection to others. Constantly feeling like you have to hide your true expression can lead to anxiety, burnout, and imposter syndrome. 

Imposter Syndrome And Masking

Imposter syndrome is a term used for that unshakable belief that some people experience where they feel like all their achievements and all of their success just happened by chance or by luck, rather than a product of the skill, effort and dedication they have put in. 

They feel as if they have been faking their intelligence, their wit, their good nature, and that at any moment someone will see them for what they are- an imposter.

While many people report feelings of imposter syndrome in some aspect of their life or another, this can be particularly prominent for individuals with neurodivergences, due in part to masking.

People often feel like the praise they receive is undeserving, and everyone else in their position is more capable. But I promise, this feeling is normal, and you wouldn’t have made it this far if you weren’t good at what you do.

Everyone is in the same boat, everyone is just trying their best and faking it till they make it, even those that seem like they have it all together.

How To Be The Real You: Beyond Neurodivergent Masking

So, give yourself some grace, and some credit. Allow people to see the real you. Constantly masking traits that you may deem undesirable subconsciously signals to yourself that you are unworthy of acceptance, which over time can hinder your overall self-image and decrease your self-esteem.

It also creates a barrier to developing meaningful relationships with others, for if you never let them truly get to know the real you, a genuine connection can’t be formed. 

Additionally, traits you deem inferior and try to hide, may be the things others come to admire about you most.

So be loud, be eccentric, wear your heart on your sleeve and let others see you and love you for who you are. For those of you who have been masking for longer than you haven’t, being yourself may not come naturally. If you struggle to let the real you shine through, we can help.

Are you dealing with masking and neurodivergence? Book a free consultation today at Rebound Total Health to get the support to be your most authentic self. For news and educational information, follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

Related: ADHD And Neurodivergence – Guide To ADHD Therapies

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