In a world where instances of compassion may feel few and far between, it is often seen as something optional. Yet self-compassion is just as important as how we show compassion to others, shaping how we think, feel, and respond to challenges.
Our beliefs, attitudes, and values make up our worldview. As differences in perspectives become more visible across social media, the news, and everyday interactions, we often see a growing lack of understanding rooted in a missing piece: compassion.
This can come from the need to be right, to be informed, or to inform others. But why do we keep falling into these patterns? Somewhere along our life path, we were taught to stand up for what we believe in. While that has value, we are not always taught to extend compassion to others doing the same, or to ourselves when reflecting on our own beliefs, attitudes, and values.
Compassion towards others matters, but it should not come at the expense of ourselves. Building a strong foundation of self-compassion is an important place to start.
In this blog post, our Rebound Total Health insights help you understand what self-compassion is, how it works, and how to practice it in our daily lives, so that you can reduce self-criticism and develop a more balanced, compassionate mindset.
What is Self-Compassion?
In today’s society, the concept of self-compassion is often regarded as one of those ‘buzz words.’ But what does it actually mean?! Self-compassion can be described as being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we fail, suffer, or feel inadequate – moving away from self-criticism and towards acceptance.
To successfully delve deeper into the issues pertaining to others and genuinely be in tune with their emotions, experiences, and feelings, one must be caring, attentive, forgiving, and loving towards oneself first.
How Does Self-Compassion Work?
There are three foundational components of self-compassion, including self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
1. Self-kindness. This is seen as the ability to be kind to ourselves, especially when we are going through a dark phase or experiencing turmoil.
2. Common humanity. A belief that allows us to recognize our suffering and failures as part of the human experience while acknowledging that pain is something that is shared among all humanity.
3. Mindfulness. The process of being present in the acknowledgment of feelings and thoughts instead of avoiding them. It teaches individuals to sit with and accept their experiences while not dwelling on them.
How Do You Practice Self-Compassion?
As we move through chapters of our life pathway, our anxiety, stressors, comparisons and struggles tend to get the best of us and the self-critical cycle is continuously reinforced.
Whether it’s comparing ourselves to society’s high expectations, receiving criticism from peers or authority figures in our life, or perhaps receiving minimal compassion and extra critique from parents or loved ones, we can’t seem to escape the self-critical cycle. Over time, and with continued reinforcement, this negative self-critical cycle becomes automatic.
The trick to fostering higher levels of self-compassion is to interrupt these automatic cycles with evidence that can discredit the negative thoughts and make space for positive or balanced thoughts to integrate. Here are some ways to turn down the volume of self-criticism and crank up the self-compassionate voice!
Gratitude
Respect and appreciate the ways you have improved, the opportunities you have, and the things in life you are grateful for. Recommended: practice a daily gratitude journal!
Be Gentle
Although we are on a journey of self-improvement, we must understand that this is an ongoing process throughout life. It is not something to be accomplished; it is a continuous practice, and therapeutic change can progress slowly. The slower the change, the more concrete it will stand. Recommended: for every negative thing you say to yourself, reframe it in a calm, gentle way! Try writing these new reframed thoughts out for extra positive reinforcement.
Mindfulness
Can be done through meditation, bringing awareness to the present. Being mindful of our thoughts, actions, feelings, as well as the simple behaviours such as eating, bathing, teeth brushing, and more! Recommended: find your favourite mindfulness app and spend 5 minutes a day practicing!
Advice From a Friend
Imagine your friend is explaining the same hard experience as you. What would you say to this friend to remind them of the things that are beyond their control or out of their capacity to accomplish? This can teach us to apply our understanding of compassion towards others to ourselves. We recommend you even try writing yourself a letter, from the perspective of a loved one or friend!
These are just some simple ways to start building up the self-compassionate muscle!
How To Build Self-Compassion With Support
With practice, self-compassion becomes stronger and one day, will hopefully be your automatic thought! For some, the journey to achieving self-compassion is met with many obstacles.
Building self-compassion can feel challenging, especially if you have spent years being self-critical. While self-help strategies can be useful, working with a therapist can provide more structured and personalized support.
A therapist can help you:
- Recognize and reframe negative self-talk
- Develop healthier coping strategies during difficult moments
- Understand the root of self-critical patterns
- Practice self-compassion in a way that feels realistic and sustainable
At Rebound Total Health in Hamilton, our therapists work with individuals who want to reduce self-criticism and improve their overall mental well-being through practical, evidence-based techniques. If you think you could benefit from some added support on your journey to becoming more self-compassionate, reach out. Book a free consultation — we offer in-person therapy sessions in our Hamilton office and virtual therapy options for Ontario residents.
Be kind to one another. But don’t forget to be kind to yourself, because the most important person in your life should be you.
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