What if I told you that everybody has a little voice in their head? A voice that narrates our thoughts as we navigate our environment and ascribes meaning and values to our experiences. This inner voice is motivated by our automatic thoughts, which are triggered when we experience stress. Now, the way we think about ourselves is very important, but it is so second nature that you might not even realize it’s happening. The way this self-talk explains things can influence how we feel about ourselves and our abilities, so it is important to be conscious of how we’re speaking to—and about—ourselves. Let’s explore the differences between self-criticism vs self-compassion and how to start a positive journey to the latter.
Understanding The Impact Of Self-Criticism
If we consider the perspective of this inner voice on a spectrum, on one end, we have self-criticism, and on the other, self-compassion. If you’re like me—and probably about 90% of the rest of the world—your inner voice skews a little critical. This means that we tend to attribute negative experiences to personal shortcomings and positive experiences to chance, depriving ourselves of a lot of credit!
So, for example, let’s say you finish a job interview that you were really excited about—which, naturally, made you nervous. Maybe you found yourself struggling to answer a couple of questions. That automatic self-criticism might say that you’re a disappointment, that you’re not good enough, or that you totally bombed the interview. This perspective is overly critical of yourself, discounting what is a normal, human reaction to stress and nerves, and instead catastrophizes it as a personal failure.
How Your Inner Voice Shapes Your Confidence and Emotions
This tendency for self-criticism only leaves you feeling more anxious about the outcome of the interview, perhaps ashamed of your performance, and diminishes your confidence moving forward. In reality, we are more critical of ourselves than others are of us, as everyone is typically more worried about how they’re being perceived than about perceiving others. It may be that the interviewer recognized your nerves and viewed them as a sign of genuine interest in the position—an asset rather than a deficit.
The Science Behind Self-Compassion and Neural Plasticity
Knowing that we are often our own greatest critics, we can see why adopting a more self-compassionate inner voice is advantageous. Taking into account a more balanced perspective can eliminate some of the guilt or shame we feel in our perceived flaws and increase our sense of emotional resilience and mental well-being.
Now, embracing a more self-compassionate perspective doesn’t happen overnight. Your current way of thinking has been forged across your lifespan and is an automatic response dictated by commonly used pathways in your brain. Changing such pathways requires conscious and deliberate repetition of an alternative thought process, strengthening new neural pathways—a process called neural plasticity.
Practical Steps to Shift from Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion
A more self-compassionate evaluation doesn’t have to be overly positive if that feels inauthentic. It’s simply a more balanced perspective of the situation that takes into account things that are beyond your control. Now, adopting self-compassion may not feel all warm and fuzzy at first, and it might not even feel all that natural, but the goal is just to get more comfortable recognizing when you are being too self-critical and allowing the voice of self-compassion to speak.
The more you do this, the more normal it will start to feel as it becomes a more commonly used neural pathway. If you’re having trouble getting started, think about the situation as if it happened to a good friend. What would you tell them if they were speaking to themselves the way you speak to yourself? Would you be as critical of someone you love as you are of yourself?
Start Your Journey to Self-Compassion with Rebound Total Health
We have explored the differences between self-criticism vs self-compassion. If this sounds all too familiar to you, we here at Rebound Total Health are here to help.
We are a team of caring, experienced therapists in Hamilton, Ontario, ready to provide the support you need.
Connect with a therapist today and book an in-person therapy session or try our virtual online counselling in Ontario and across Canada. Get support in recognizing self-criticism, strengthening your self-compassion, and improving your overall mental well-being.
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