Navigating the world as a stepmother, or as many call a “Bonus Mom” is exciting, scary, nerve-wracking or sometimes a little bit of it all. This is a unique role, and oftentimes very misunderstood by many. The minute one becomes a stepmom, life is changed forever. Not only is the family growing, but so is the way we approach situations, and learn to love. This journey, navigating stepmotherhood, like many other things in life, comes with its trials and tribulations. It is a beautiful, joyful, but also challenging and confusing journey all at once.
In this post, we explore stepmotherhood, its emotional toll and how to adjust to a blended family. We’ll also share tips on how to manage the stresses associated with it, with a few stepmom self-care tips.
What Is A Stepmother? What Does It Mean To Be One?
No two stepmother’s journeys are the same. There is no specific path or guidebook on how to be the perfect stepmother, as much as we wish that were a thing. When one becomes a stepmother, they commit to helping raise children who are not biologically their own. With that comes the stressors of adjusting to new routines and new life. You are ultimately building a connection, and level of trust and comfort with your stepchildren.
Becoming a stepmother is no easy task, there is a chance you may face an adjustment period, in which the child/children are facing complex emotions from the addition of a stepmother and/or the adjustment of a loss/divorce.
As time goes on, your role may change. Some stepmoms become extremely involved and hands-on with the children. Meanwhile, others take on a more backseat approach. Ultimately, this is determined by your family, the connection, and the comfort level of the children involved.
The Emotional Toll Of Being a Stepmom
Stepmotherhood isn’t always easy; there’s going to be highs and there’s going to be lows. I can guarantee there will be moments where you feel lost, confused, and out of touch. I can also guarantee you will have beautiful moments, full of love, laughter and involvement.
All of this is not without self-doubt; we are often our own self-critics. You may question whether you are doing too much. Not enough? Or if the child/children even like you at all. If you are EVER feeling like you are the only one feeling this way, trust me, you are not alone. These feelings are normal, and so is wanting to ensure your relationship with your partner is solid as well.
This journey can be isolating, and it helps to talk about your feelings and express yourself in any way that feels right for you. Building up your toolbox is essential to managing these feelings. Tools such as therapy, journalling, or even engaging with other step moms can help manage feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. As echoed throughout, stepping into this role is not always easy. You are doing something so selflessly and bravely, stepping into a role in which you may not always feel seen or appreciated.
This is a great read on how to manage perfectionism while also fostering a sense of self-compassion.
Navigating A Blended Family
Building trust, respect and comfort within a blended family takes time and also patience. It is important even when you are tired, even when you feel defeated, to keep consistent and still show up, listen, support and let the relationship form.
Is it important to remember to:
- Have realistic expectations: building trust takes time, do not expect an instant connection. Focus on the little things and continue to progress.
- Foster partner communication and connection: Continue to lean on your partner and support one another. Share what is working and what needs improvement.
- Support the kid’s relationship with their other parent: a positive, supportive stepmother builds a level of trust and shows the child that nobody is trying to take their parents’ place.
- Be authentic: Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes, and you do not need to be a “perfect” mother.
If your stepchild/children see you making an effort to go at their pace, see your consistency and know you’re here to stay, they will begin to open up over time. Trust the process.
For more content on parenting and family well-being:
Stepmom Self-Care Tips
Oftentimes, it is easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of family life that we forget to take care of ourselves. Entering stepmotherhood can be emotionally and physically draining, especially when you lack support and boundaries. It is crucial to make time for yourself, whether that be having your own hobbies, friends and mental health support. Keep in mind, you are not alone, and so many stepmoms have walked the path before you, and will walk it after you.
It is important to take breaks, celebrate the big and small wins, and ultimately, don’t be afraid to pause and ask for help. As much as mothers want to do it all, you are not superhuman, and that is okay.
Here is an awesome read on the 7 Dimensions Of The Wellness Wheel: How To Find Balance in Life
Managing Stepmotherhood With Support From Rebound Total Health
Stepmothermood is full of ebbs and flows, there will be moments of laughter, happiness, stress, sadness and every emotion in between. This path is full of growth, love and learning about and with one another.
If you are navigating stepmotherhood, you are not alone, and there is support for you. Whether that be through other stepmothers or even a Rebound Total Health mental health practitioner, the path to Stepmotherhood does not have to be walked alone.
Remember: you are strong and capable. You got this, Bonus Mom!
If you are looking for further support on your stepmotherhood journey, you can explore our resources on parenting, self-care, and relationships, or book a consultation to talk to a warm, down-to-earth therapist who gets it.
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