Did you know that there are five types of perfectionism? It can manifest in various aspects of our lives—through our family, friends, personal expectations, and even society’s standards.
Identifying perfectionism can be tricky, especially if you’ve always been a “high achiever”—someone who strives for success in every area of life or follows a strict daily agenda.Â
Perfectionism might show up as setting unrealistic expectations, being overly critical of yourself and others, focusing only on outcomes instead of the process, fearing failure, procrastinating, being highly sensitive, overthinking, or overworking. Ultimately, perfectionism can shape how you hold yourself accountable, relate to others, and even engage with society.
The Five Types of Perfectionism
Let’s review the five types of perfectionism in detail:
Self-Oriented Perfectionism
Do you often set unrealistically high expectations for yourself? Do you pressure yourself to be perfect in every role—whether as a student, friend, child, or coworker? Self-oriented perfectionism can be hard to recognize, especially when it seems like you’re just aiming for big goals and personal achievement.
Other-Oriented Perfectionism
This type involves setting impossible standards for others. Do you expect people around you—friends, family, or colleagues—to meet these standards, only to feel disappointed or frustrated when they fall short? For example, do you expect your partner to read your mind or criticize your coworkers’ work if it doesn’t meet your expectations?
Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism
This form of perfectionism happens when you believe others will judge you negatively if you don’t live up to their (often imagined) expectations. Have you ever felt pressured to have the latest gadgets or wear the “right” clothes to fit in with peers? Perhaps you overwork to impress your boss, even when no one has asked you to do so.
Overt Perfectionism
Overt perfectionists are often very vocal about wanting to be right and seek external validation from others—whether from family, friends, or coworkers. They may become easily frustrated when things don’t go according to plan, obsessively organize their surroundings, or micromanage situations and people.
Covert Perfectionism
Covert perfectionists may appear calm or relaxed on the outside, but internally, they are constantly striving for perfection and criticizing themselves when they fall short. Have you ever avoided applying for a job because you didn’t feel “perfect” enough? Or ruminated over a small mistake, like a typo in an email, that you just can’t shake?
Perfectionism can feel like an endless cycle. It often starts with setting high standards, driven by the belief, “If I can do everything perfectly and succeed, I can hide my weaknesses.” However, these lofty expectations can be nearly impossible to achieve, resulting in feelings of failure.Â
This failure then feeds into negative self-beliefs, such as “I am worthless, incompetent, or incapable.” (Kennerley et al., 2016). While this cycle can seem unbreakable, it doesn’t have to be. You have the power to break free!
How To Overcome Perfectionism
How do you break free from perfectionism? Here are three ways:
- Reframe Your Expectations
Start by asking yourself: Are my expectations realistic? For example, is it feasible to become a self-made millionaire by a certain age, or to juggle a full-time job, top grades, social life, and personal time without experiencing burnout? It’s important to consider where these expectations came from. Are you comparing yourself to others, or to unrealistic societal standards? - Practice Self-Compassion
If you don’t meet your expectations or fail to be “perfect,” it’s easy to become self-critical. Practicing self-compassion is essential in these moments, so you can forgive yourself and move forward without guilt or shame. - Challenge All-or-Nothing Thinking and Negative Self-TalkÂ
It’s important to challenge the black-and-white thinking that perfectionism often brings, especially when things don’t go as planned. While striving to improve is healthy, holding yourself to unrealistic standards can do more harm than good. Acknowledge the progress you’ve made, and allow yourself to learn from failures rather than letting them define you.
By recognizing these patterns and taking steps to adjust our mindset, we can free ourselves from the grip of perfectionism and embrace a more balanced, compassionate approach to life.
Overcoming The Perfectionist Mindset With Help From Rebound Total Health
Ready to tackle your perfectionism? Our caring, compassionate therapists are ready to help you. Connect with a therapist today and get the support you need.
At Rebound Total Health in Hamilton, Ontario, we offer in-person therapy as well as virtual online counselling in Ontario and across Canada.
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Related: How To Manage Perfectionism Through Self-Compassion
ReferencesÂ
Kennerley, H., Kirk, J., & Westbrook, D. (2016). An introduction to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy: Skills and Applications. Sage Publications Limited.