If you’ve ever caught yourself being your own worst critic, you’re not alone. Many of us are quick to offer support and kindness to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we default to harsh self-judgment. This is where Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) comes in. It’s a therapeutic approach designed to help you build a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself. By learning how to respond to your own struggles with compassion rather than criticism, CFT can help ease feelings of shame, anxiety, and low self-worth.
In this post, we’ll explore what compassion really means, how self-compassion differs from empathy, and why it’s so important to your mental well-being. We’ll also look at practical ways to bring more self-kindness into your daily life—and how Compassion Focused Therapy can support that journey. Whether you’re curious about therapy or just looking for new ways to feel better about yourself, this is a great place to start.
What is Compassion?
We often hear the word compassion being used in conversations about mental health, relationships, or even in everyday life; the importance of having compassion for ourselves, for others, and for strangers.
However, compassion can sometimes be misunderstood or confused with empathy. While both are similar and deeply important, they are not the same.
Empathy refers to the ability to understand and feel the emotions, thoughts, and experiences of another person. It is about being able to place ourselves in someone else’s shoes and feel with them.
Compassion, on the other hand, includes empathy but goes a step further. It involves a desire to alleviate the other person’s suffering and offer support. Simply put, you can’t truly be compassionate without first being empathetic.
Why Self-Compassion Matters
It’s important to be compassionate toward others, but it’s even more crucial that we learn to be compassionate toward ourselves. You might wonder, “Why should I show myself compassion?” As humans, it’s likely that throughout our lives, we’ve all experienced moments of shame, self-criticism, or low self-worth. These feelings can stem from our environment, past experiences, or internalized beliefs. Whether they come from external pressures or our inner voices, self-compassion helps us navigate those difficult moments with care.
It’s easy to be harsh with ourselves, often without even realizing it. We may criticize ourselves for our mistakes, push ourselves beyond healthy limits, or talk to ourselves in ways we’d never speak to a loved one. Self-compassion helps interrupt that pattern. Instead of being self-critical, we can learn to treat ourselves with the same care, forgiveness, and understanding that we would offer to a close friend. It allows us to accept our imperfections, honour our struggles, and be gentler with ourselves.
Building self-compassion takes practice. At first, it may feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to treating yourself kindly. You may even feel like you’re being “soft” on yourself, but in reality, you’re developing a stronger and healthier relationship with yourself.
Incorporating Self-Compassion into Daily Life
You Are Your Own Friend
The next time you’re judging yourself, ask: “Would I speak this way to a friend?”
Most of the time, the answer is no. We often offer more kindness and understanding to our loved ones or even strangers than we do to ourselves. So, what would you say to a loved one going through what you’re going through?
Likely something kind, understanding, and supportive. That same care is what you deserve, too. You are human, you’re going to make mistakes, say the wrong thing, make poor choices, and possibly wish you could take certain actions back. That’s part of being alive.
Showing compassion could include:
- Letting yourself make a mistake without punishment
- Recognizing you are more than your worst moment
- Accepting your flaws as part of how you grow
Reframing Negative Thoughts
One of the most effective ways to practice self-compassion is to reframe negative thoughts. Try gently shifting your inner dialogue:
- “I messed up, I’m a total failure.” to “I’m human and allowed to make mistakes. Messing up doesn’t define me.”
- “I should know better.” to “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. It’s okay to not be perfect.”
- “I can’t handle everything. I’m weak.” to “This is hard. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I’m allowed to feel this way.”
- “I don’t deserve love or kindness.” to “Everyone, including me, deserves kindness — no matter their mistakes.”
- “I’m doing terribly compared to others.” to “Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I’m growing at my own pace.”
- “I’m not good enough.” to “That’s my inner critic talking. I can choose to respond with compassion.”
What is Compassion Focused Therapy?
Compassion focused therapy is a type of psychotherapy that helps individuals who struggle with high levels of shame and self-criticism. This therapy model teaches people to treat themselves and ourselves with kindness and care, even when there is pain to be experienced.
The main idea of compassion focused therapy is simple: we all have the capacity to show compassion, and we can teach ourselves to turn that compassion inwards to ourselves.
You can learn about some compassion focused therapy techniques here, or get started and explore our therapy services if you are ready and interested in this type of therapy.
The Three Emotion Systems
Compassion focused therapy is built around the idea that we all have three main emotional systems, which are:
- Threat system – this keeps us safe by helping us notice and detect danger. This system is linked to fear, anger and anxiety.
- Drive system – this system helps us go after goals and rewards. This system is linked to excitement and motivation.
- Soothing System – this system helps us feel calm, cared for and connected to those around us. This system is linked to safety and compassion.
Many people who have had tough life experiences have an overactive threat system, and because of this overactive threat system, their soothing system is underdeveloped. This can lead to someone experiencing constant self-criticism, anxiety or anger. Compassion focused therapy helps us to strengthen our soothing system by developing compassion for ourselves and giving ourselves the care that we need.
Tools and Techniques in CFT
Here are some compassion focused therapy practice tools that you can start using today:
- Soothing rhythm breathing: taking slow, deep breaths can help calm the nervous system and bring awareness to the body
- Compassionate imagery: Visualizing a kind, warm presence can help you to feel supported
- Writing from the voice of compassion: Journaling about your own thoughts can help focus on what a compassionate friend would say to you, or what a compassionate friend would say to you.
- Practicing self-talk: Replacing harsh, critical inner dialogue and self-talk can help create more balanced and gentle thoughts.
These tools activate the soothing system and reduce shame, anxiety, and anger. Over time, you learn to treat yourself as you would a loved one—with patience, encouragement, and care.
Could Compassion-Focused Therapy Help?
If you often find yourself experiencing shame, harsh self-criticism, or low self-worth, Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) might be helpful.
CFT supports individuals in developing the emotional skills to nurture compassion both toward themselves and others. It’s especially helpful for those who struggle with self-judgment or who feel uncomfortable showing themselves kindness.
Remember: self-compassion isn’t indulgent. It’s foundational to well-being and healing.
A therapist can offer a compassionate and non-judgmental space for you to explore what is most meaningful to you.
Our team of therapists at Rebound Total Health is ready to help. Book a consultation and start your journey to discovering personal values!
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