When Some Feelings are too Much
Emotions are a wonderful thing. They are vital for responding to the world around us and when making connections with other people. They also play a vital role in protecting us from harm.
If you’re scared to do something, it’s your body’s way of keeping you safe.
If you’re angry, you can scare others away as a means of protection.
And if you’re sad, your body can slow down and repair itself.
But sometimes, our emotions can stand in our way of living our best lives. When our emotions become too intense or complicated, it can feel like we have no control. When this happens, it feels like our emotions are in control of us; our emotions are driving our behaviours.
Adding some simple tools to your toolbox can help calm and manage your emotions. Some tools include validating your emotions, finding purpose and joy, and achieving goals. There are also some physical activities you can do like changing your temperature, exercising, breath work, and muscle relaxation.
Reaching out to a counsellor is also a great tool to help when your emotions feel too strong to handle alone. You can access mental health services by searching for online counselling or visiting a total health clinic near you.
Keep reading to learn more about skills for emotional regulation because your mental health matters!
Do you ever feel like your emotions are too intense? Like you can’t get a grip on them; like they’re out of control? Sometimes our emotions just feel like too much to handle; like they’re impossible to regulate.
Honestly, it makes sense that we feel uncomfortable with our big emotions. We have been brought up in a society that places so much emphasis on being positive, pushing past any road bumps, achieving the next goal. With social media, we are flooded with everyone’s successes, which makes our struggles and emotions feel so much bigger.
It makes sense that you feel the way you feel. Repeat. It makes sense that I feel the way I feel.
Recognizing our emotions and allowing them to exist in our bodies is the first step to emotional validation. Validation is a powerful tool in any emotionally heightened situation. It can be used with others and with yourself. It involves empathetically recognizing and expressing that we understand someone’s intense emotions, without judgement or negativity.
Sometimes it’s easier to validate someone else’s emotions. That’s because we are often harder on ourselves than we are on other people. We give strangers more empathy than we give ourselves.
While it’s great to show empathy and validation to others, it’s also so important to extend this kindness to ourselves. Emotional self-validation promotes well-being and can increase our self-esteem. Oxford CBT recommends the following activities to promote validating our own emotions:
Keeping a strengths journal.
Maintaining perspective—everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and we all struggle!
Finding time for hobbies and projects that you enjoy.
Making goals and taking steps to achieve your goals.
Implementing an exercise regimen.
Carving out time for self-care.
Emotional validation is helpful for emotion regulation. When our emotions are not regulated, they feel unstable. When our emotions feel unstable, we feel unstable.
Another great TIP for helping regulate our emotions is the TIPP acronym, which is a skill used in dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). The TIPP skill looks like this:
T – Temperature
Use cold temperature if you’re feeling heightened (fast heartbeat) to bring you down.
Try: ice cube on the back of the neck, splash cold water on your face, take a cool shower.
Use warm temperature if you’re feeling low (slow heartbeat) to bring you up.
Try: a warm compress on the back of the neck or a warm shower.
I – Intense Exercise
Try getting your heart rate up a little bit for a 10-15 minute period of time.
Try: Jogging, a fast-paced walk, jumping jacks, or Tabata intervals (only try activities that are within your comfort/safety zone).
P – Paced Breathing
Try: Slowing down your breath and bringing your attention to your breath. Take a slow and steady breath in, then an even slower breath out. Try to keep your exhales longer than your inhales.
P – Paired Muscle Relaxation
Try: Tightening specific muscles for five seconds, then release. You’ll find that your muscles and body begin to relax. Start with muscles at the top of your body (shoulders, upper back) and work down.
And remember, we can’t control our emotions. But we can control how we respond to our emotions. Sometimes it feels like our emotion are in control of our body, but you have the power to control your own behaviour. When you feel out of control, just STOP. Take a moment to pause by taking a step back. Observe what is happening in your body and around you. What thoughts are coming up? After you’ve taken a moment to assess the situation, you’ll feel better able to proceed more mindfully.
Reaching out to a counsellor is also a great tool to help when your emotions feel too strong to handle alone. You can access mental health services by searching for online counselling or visiting a total health clinic near you.
