Emotional Coaching: Turning Your Child’s Big Feelings into Moments of Closeness
As a parent of two young children, I know that little ones come with BIG feelings. Feelings that can feel surprisingly big (think: major meltdown over wanting the red cup, not the blue cup!). But for your child, these feelings are overwhelming and uncharted territory.
As a parent, I also know that these big feelings can be eye-opening moments for our strengths and opportunities as caregivers. They test our patience and trigger our own emotional coping mechanisms. If we were not raised in a household that welcomed the range of human emotions, it can be difficult to help your child identify, process and move through their own challenging feelings. This was my experience, and my own therapist recommended the book, Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, Ph.D.
Through “emotion coaching”, I was able to build emotional intelligence in myself but also my four-year-old son.
The key skills include:
- Being aware of your child’s emotions
- Recognizing emotional expression as a meaningful opportunity for closeness and learning
- Offering empathy and validation
- Giving language to your child’s emotions in an age-appropriate way
- Partnering with your child to problem solve a difficult experience, which leads to building those skills independently
Does my son still have meltdowns over the red cup? Sure. Do I still feel my own frustration rise? Sure. The difference is he can identify what this big, overwhelming reaction is in his body and quickly shift into what is next. And for me, I lean into this teachable moment not only for him but for myself as well.
If your child’s big feelings trigger you in a way that feels unmanageable, our experienced therapists at Rebound Total Health can work with you to understand your unique experiences and the role they play in your parenting.
Resources:
Gottman, J, DeClaire, J. (1997). Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York, Simon & Schuster Paperbacks.
