Men’s Issues
What exactly are ‘men’s issues’ anyway?
Even though men and women share many of the same mental health symptoms, men do not choose therapy as often as women do. Men suffer without help for common mental health problems like depression, anxiety, and stress. This can interfere with living a meaningful and contented life. Men experience social isolation, problems with intimacy, marriage, parenting, and work satisfaction. Most seriously, men make up 75% of deaths by suicide in Canada each year. Add in factors like race, ethnicity, income, education, sexual and gender identity, and the mental health challenges men face pile up.
If so many men are suffering, why aren’t they getting therapy and how can they get the help they need? To better understand, it helps to see the differences in the way men experience emotions compared to women. Understanding why challenges crop up in the first place and what contributes to men’s mental health can help.
Conditioning
Men are taught to express their feelings in limited ways by their families, at school, and from movies, books, and in the media. The classic ‘boys don’t cry’ stereotype persists. Men are left with a limited emotional vocabulary, and feelings they can’t understand or talk about. Common male stereotypes can lead men to feel ashamed and weak for seeking help with their feelings. Men who identify with traditional masculine standards (toughness, control, success, self-reliance) are less likely to reach out for help.
Externalizing
When men feel stressed, sad, and scared, they are more likely to ‘externalize’ their feelings. They might express irritation, anger, and take risks and be self-destructive. Men are more likely to use alcohol in harmful ways. Alcohol use can lead to depression, lack of motivation, emotional instability, and interfere with relationships and work. Men may experience emotional problems such as restlessness, sleep difficulties, change in appetite, and body aches. These kinds of symptoms may be mistaken for physical problems.
Friendship
As boys become men, their friendships tend to fall away and become less connected. The few friendships that (especially straight) men maintain with other men do not permit vulnerability or sharing of feelings. Men might have work friends, sports friends, or a friend they can have a drink with, but these friendships can lack connection. All humans need connection with others to survive and thrive. Close, connected friendships can protect mental and physical health. Friendships can make us feel worthy and less lonely. When men can’t get the connection they need from friends, they might depend too much on their spouse or girlfriend for emotional support. They might lean on their partner for all their venting or to be the one to make the shared social plans. Men have fewer ways to get their emotional needs met, which can lead to more loneliness and isolation.
Non-judgemental
Men experience the full range of human emotions but are not taught that these feelings are normal and healthy. Reaching out for help from a qualified therapist can provide men with a safe and non-judgmental space to express themselves. Therapy can range from just a few appointments to as many as needed. Therapy can be structured or be more of a conversation. It can be done online, by phone, or in person. Therapy can help men express and experience their emotions, get relief, and learn new coping skills. Help the men you love by letting them know that therapy is a great way to let off steam and live a more meaningful life.
Learn more about counselling for men’s issues here
References and resources
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/men-issues
“Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection” by N. Way (2011)
