Healthy Holiday Boundaries -
It’s the most wonderful time of the year……to violate our boundaries. Whoops. Happens to the best of us. The Holidays can be very exciting, wonderful times, but can also be a cesspool for boundary violations and complex family dynamics. So let’s take a look at some things to keep in mind as you navigate this holiday season.
Wait – what are boundaries?
Boundaries are the space we place or limits we establish between ourselves and others. These can look, sound, and feel different for everyone based on personal limits and needs. There are many variations of boundaries that can span from rigid to transparent. Setting and executing our boundaries involves a balancing act of appropriately communicating needs and limits while also establishing what others may be able to expect from you. Most importantly, boundaries can vary based on context, environments, culture, and personality.
Here are some examples that may or may not sound familiar:
- Relying too little or too much on others
- The inability to accept someone saying no to you and/or difficult saying no to others
- Expecting others to behave/feel/think the same as you would
- Devaluing other’s opinions if they do not align with yours
- The inability to attach or overly attaching to others when forming relationships
- Oversharing personal information or an inability to be vulnerable/safe sharing personal information
- The belief that others owe you something and/or that you owe something to them
Read more about healthy boundaries from another one of our blogs Here. https://www.reboundtotalhealth.ca/blog/better-boundaries
Great – So why is this relevant to the holidays?
As magical as the holidays appear to us, this tends to be the time of year that we allow others to violate our boundaries (and maybe we might violate others’ boundaries – eek!). This is why you may experience or observe more frequency and intensity of conflicts, especially when it comes to – you guessed it – family. The tricky thing about boundaries is if we allow others to push our boundaries or we don’t establish them in the first place, we create more hardship for ourselves in the long run. We become less and less aware of what our boundaries are or how to communicate them to others, and so the cycle continues.
Okay, tell me more…
So, we have a couple things to consider. First one up - emotional boundaries. The holidays have this way of stirring up our anxiety, heartache, grief, loss, and so on. Depending on your experiences, this can remind you of your pain which can then lead to escape behaviours or diminishing others to make us feel better. Best thing to do is be in tune with your hurt, insecurities, and emotional limits. As the year comes to a close, we also tend to take a look at our progress and personal identity. Be sure to take the time to check-in. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? What can I do to ensure the boundaries of myself and others will still be respected as I combat this? With the hustle and bustle of the holidays, we are distracted from focusing on emotional boundaries.
Additionally, we’re still in a pandemic and this brings upon varying comfort levels when it comes to Covid-19. Not to mention there are many families facing conflict due to vaccination status. Some are even experiencing division, which may or may not reflect long-term emotional standings for some relationships. Try to remember what you value you most, what your health circumstances are, and how you can establish boundaries within this. Furthermore, while doing that, try to place these boundaries on yourself while respecting and supporting others’ boundaries. Interestingly, support does not equal agreeance.
Finally, I’d like to call us all out right now on a boundary that many of us are knowingly pushing – financial. It can be incredibly challenging to limit your spending this time of year because our consumerism culture operates under the assumption that the value of the gift we give equates to the value you feel for others. A helpful tip is to cut out the money middleman and express the value you have in others. This can look like a thoughtful note or card, a homemade craft, or offering a low-cost experience to spend time with your loved ones.
After all, it’s about spending quality time, practicing gratitude towards the things we have, and looking forward to the things in the next coming year. What better way to wrap up the year with establishing and maintaining our mental, emotional, social, and financial boundaries. The good news? When the next holiday season comes, you’ll notice better boundary management, and this will allow for more joy, peace, and love for you to enjoy and share.
Meet Melanie, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) and Author of this Post!
Melanie Saija
RP(Q), MACP (In Progress)
Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)
melanie@reboundtotalhealth.ca
“I genuinely enjoy connecting with people and exploring various problem-solving options. I definitely resonate with the idea of being a ‘people person’ and think my natural ability to connect with individuals from all walks of life is one of my greatest strengths in the work I do. I love collaborating with my clients to help them overcome their goals.”
